My name is Clerk, and that… What? Of course, that is my demon name. Wow… Maybe he was right about this group. Well, Infernalness is, ahem, merely recuperating after accidentally being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course his wounds are healing nicely, but he asked me to address this demon hoard here tonight. Of course my style might seem a bit different, but we are all fighting for the same thing after all. Well, we should be. You should be.
Wait, there is a note here. “Make sure Blightmare is in attendence.” Somedemon squeeze his tail harshly until I hear him, please. Ah, ok, there you are little imp. Ok… Ok, that’s enough… Seriously, you should be saving that for people, they are the ones we want, should want to hurt, especially those aligned with their liar king. But you should all know about that by now. Let me read his note: “Remind Blightmare that he is a bit if a celebrity now, so he had better step up his game.” Wow, and he even included the name of the arch-demon I should contact if you didn’t show up. Blightmare, I don’t think you should miss any of these gatherings…
Anyway, my name is Clerk, and I am responsible for the 9,368,727,485 dead people who have come here from Earth, courtesy of whatever lies and obfuscations ([sigh] …confusing things…) we can conjure up to mislead, to pull away, to distract… And times are so good for us right now. Approximately 850 are added to these ranks each and every minute. That should be glorious news to even slow imps… Yes, finally you see! Well, those 850 each minute come here because other demons (besides yourselves) are actually fighting for our cause. Maybe you should get involved with that.
Well, you should know this too. Each human that comes here, well he gets his own room! Well, it is a locked door with barely enough room for him or her behind it, and it gets slammed shut on them immediately. They need to claw and dig their way into the harsh rock to even make room for their bodies so they might hurt just a little less. What? Of course, that means they are all alone. Why would we want to bring any of these pitiful people even a little solace in this horrible place? This is hell, not a cruise ship… Nevermind. Each person that comes here is left entirely and completely alone. That is our dark lord’s insistance, and has been for millenia. They come here, and are immediately in pain because of the temperature, which is just low enough that they never die, but high enough that they are in constant pain. Digging their own little cell is just a part of that process. And that liar king has evidently talked some about this lake of fire. That will never happen; we can’t possibly lose. What will happen to all these miserable people after we win? I don’t know, but that is up to our dark lord himself. Each soul down here is a trophy of sorts. I can see him deciding to just leave them as they are.
Wait, what? Why the suffering, you say? Well you should all know that whatever our dark lord says, that is law, that is our law. You should already know that by now. And it is by his insistance. They listen to us up top, then when they finally get here, they get pain and alone, by his decree. And as Clerk, I manage that whole process. [sigh] Yes, of course, I have help… Still, those of you in this vast cavern should be working hard with your fellow demons on the tactical side of our endeavor, tirelessly trying, lying to get an ever growing number of humans down here. Once they arrive, they are my responsibility. My job is easy. Those of you gathered need to be working tirelessly to send me more victims. What I just said, that should be painfully obvious to each and every… even the most small, limited obscure imp in this room. I hope you are all listening.
You should also know that hell is not the only thing down here. Nearby is a similar place called Tartarus which is a holding place a lot like hell. It is very old, and unbearably painful in there too, of course. But Tartarus is not of our making, and is not under our control. Some of our best demons are being held there, against their will, of course, and for the slightest… But the liar king conrols that place, at least for now. Of course liberating Tartarus will be one of the first things we do once we overcome our opposition. Alas, for now we can’t even get in there. We can get near, and shout to our brave comrades being held there. Of course, they want to be rescued; it is a painful place for them. But we keep assuring them that we are working tirelessly on that. We are. And some day soon…
But I did mention those now 872 humans per minute flowing down to us. Well, historically, we have not always done so well. Especially early on in the history of this planet, there were very few people on earth to begin with. Our incoming was a lot smaller then. The tactical side still had plenty to do however. And, this is noteworthy; it looks to us like the liar king was a lot more active centuries ago, compared to now. We hope he is running out of steam. Yes, you are listening! Cheer my little imps!
Well, as I said, Taratarus is very old, and has been there a long time. It is often in our way, and we have had to expand our operation actually away from Tartarus. We just can’t get very close. Some of our guests found that out the hard way. We just relocated them.
One day long ago we heard, our comrades in Tartarus were shouting over to us, well it was a man named Jesus. He was down there, actually in Tartarus, preaching I guess, to our demon brothers being held there. Well, that did not sit so well with our demon brothers, and leadership quickly came up with what their answer should be, and we shouted it across the abyss to them. I guess it helped; this Jesus was soon gone. And our top tier leadership, they called it a cheap shot, what with this happening so close to our operation. We all realized however, that this same person would probably… Well, we had no idea how this Jesus could come down here, and actually enter Tartarus in the first place. We decided he was just very dangerous to us, to our cause, whoever he was. Some of our more skilled observer demons were constantly stationed around the planet, especially near the more aggravating hot-beds of our opposition, just to keep an eye out for him.
Well, this same man did come back, and yes, his name was Jesus. He was just a man, but it seemed that we had a really hard time dealing with him. Well, he only blazed onto the scene in his early 30’s, but so much of what we tried… Little seemed to affect him the way so many of the other humans were affected. Our dark lord himself even tried… Of course, we turned quickly to plan b, turning the people around Jesus against him. This was easy with the leaders, but the crowds presented more of a problem. Jesus kept doing things that amazed their simple minds, I guess.
While others among us, our top tier leadership were sweating every little detail, it seemed, I was more practical, and realized that I had to find a very special place for this ‘just a man’ who confused so many people. That special place was at the very bottom of hell itself! I, we made preparations; his locked door would be deep under any of the other doors anywhere near. Tactical said he was very dangerous. I planned accordingly.
Well, you should all remember this day. We managed to get his people, their leader and the government all against this scary man, and they put him to death. Everydemon in hell, it seemed flocked around this just a man as he died. We all cheered thunderously as our dark lord, unseen, plunged in the devil sword that finally took his life, and he cried out in anguish, and was dead. With great demon fanfare, you all brought him to me, to us. We were ready, and quickly locked him behind his own door, well 3 doors, one after the other; I was taking no chances. Yes, we celebrated that day.
Well, three and a half days later… This had never happened before, so we really couldn’t even predict… But deep in that barely tolerable cell of his, he came back to life, or something, and everything around him, well, it just exploded, then disappeared. From that spot deep under the middle of hell, he simply rose straight up, blasting, evaporating and increasingly larger area of our operation as he rose, through level after level of the depths of hell. Well, he kept going, and finally blasted through the upper reaches of this place we call home, and he was gone… And those few demons down here that were in his path… they were gone too…
Well, that was a very tough day for my staff. Those of us left, we had to account for every human that was in the way of his blasting up. We found every last one, of course. They were all resting together talking, around the top edge of the huge blast hole he made when he did what he did. It was a day or two before we had them all relocated, and back safely alone, behind their own suitably locked door. I felt bad for some of them; they had to start all over carving out some room in their new cell.
The blast hole he left behind — it was huge, jagged, and grew even larger the higher up he rose through the depths of hell. Well, we are thankful that he didn’t do more damage, and thankful too that we didn’t lose any of those whose lives we had fought so hard for, so we could bring them down here. But, we quickly found out that we could not do anything about fixing the damage. Everything he ruined — we couldn’t rebuild anything. In spite of all my careful planning, and methodical arrangement, efficient passageways… Hell has this huge gaping crevasse in the middle of it, and we can’t do anything about it…
What? Seriously? Where is this place, you say? Oh, come on… It is this very crevasse, the very place we meet together in. It was actually Infernalness’ idea, to try to redeem this awful scar. He decided to bring you weak imps here, to try to get you motivated, involved.
So, just listen a minute. Look carefully down this huge blast hole, this gaping maw that opens wide below you… Is it deep? Do you want to be in the way should this ever happen again?
Then GET BUSY!