Hmm… It looks like we have some preliminaries to deal with first. Blightmare! Where are you, lazy imp! You absolutely had better be here! Where is he? Where? Look around you, everydemon… Where is Blightmare? What? Up there near the top? Chosen for an easy exit, I wager. Everydemon who is within two tail-lengths may slap Blightmare — but just once! [Hearty laugh] Like that will ever work… Ok, ok, you can stop… He will remember tonight better now. Well, you all had better take good notes! Wait, none of you can even write… Well, pay close attention then.
Blightmare did one thing right tonight, he reminded me of the most basic principle of “blighting”. For example, how many apples does it take to ruin a basket full? Wow, I can smell you all thinking; the answer is just a few. The delictable key to blighting… Listen carefully Blightmare! It only takes a little… a little bit here, a little bit there, and the blighting spreads all by itself. That is important for tonight’s lecture.
So here we are. Can each of you remember this much?
The Internet is OURS! Embrace the Internet!
What? NO! I am NOT talking about TV! Get out from under your rock and look around! Well, maybe… I guess a lot of what I am about to say applies to that old clunker of a Television set that, even now, many, many people waste away in front of, jaw slack, eyes glazed, hunched slightly over… Such are barely able to think, to function any more, let alone even move further than the Refrigerator, the bathroom, their bed… We have used the TV to wonderfully accomplish our infernal ends for decades.
But the Internet — it is now all the rage, and SO much more effective! And, get this… Most kids are absolutely hooked on this “connected” thing anyway, so… Yes, the Internet is ours. We must do everything we can to expand our influence through it. And I know that your ability to remember things is… dismal, so I will try to keep the main points simple for you. Kraken, it’s like you all were just born yesterday…
Point 1 — It is all about ADVERTISING
The fuel for the Internet is this thing they call “advertising”. Big corperations pay thousands, millions of dollars to get their ads (short for advertisements, for the truly dull in this crevasse) to be able to POP UP on Internet destinations that are really popular, web pages that a lot of people really, REALLY want to see, to use. Well, they get to see these ads too, and the money paid to be able to put those ads right there, THAT is what funds, really fuels everything Internet. Wow… So many blank stares… [Ka-Whump] Yes, I hope that hurt ALL of you! There isn’t a spot in this dark crag where my reach won’t… Wow, pay attention please… Pay attention to the world in which we wage our fight! Your hideously ugly skins may one day rely on how successful we are at this! Ah, much better. Maybe now, talking about all your miserable hides, you begin to see, or at least want to see what is going on here. And, it is SO AMAZING for our cause!
This principle, paying for “free” viewing via advertising; it is not new. TV worked the same way. And we took as many chances as we could on TV, but it was very difficult to get too much skin into view. What? You have absolutely NO CLUE what I am talking about? Absolutely wow… This must be the slow, really stupid class… Ok, let me spell it out. On this battleground of a planet, we have succeeded, over time, to shift their entire culture, so many cultures over to a blatantly man-centered view, a male-centered approach to just about everything. We didn’t need to commandeer every commercial, just a few. Blighting, remember? Wow, you probably forgot about that already…
Why did we do this, use skin to blight? Because our dark leader insists that sex is something that must be TAKEN [Ka-Whump] Yes, you idiots, it’s that important. Our dark leader doesn’t want sex given, or even shared. He wants, is increasingly getting men on this miserable planet to just take, take from a woman, take whatever they want, go their way. Showing men SKIN, a woman’s SKIN, shown at various places that can cause a man to WANT, to want to TAKE, that single pursuit has fueled, really delictably blighted TV advertising for many decades. Not all of it, but just enough… And it has become a very profitable undertaking for our glorious sponsors, I might add!
But on TV it was very hard; we actually had to save the really good stuff for “after hours”, since there was so much whining about the effect it had on their kids… Well, that was half our point! But, get this! Ads on the Internet? We can FLASH AWAY AT ANY TIME, putting just about anything we want, or can get, into those ads. And again, blighting doesn’t take much. Even better, those ads usually CAN’T BE STOPPED! All right morons, if you can remember ANY piece of information, just remember this. It only takes 2-3 seconds for a man to notice skin he shouldn’t be looking at. This Internet Ad thing is handing us even more men on a silver platter! Most ads stay up for far longer, and… Men connected, they drool over this stuff, and often get pulled to web sites that show even MORE skin. And a kid can usually, easily get to the same pages, and the effect is just multiplied over time. Wow, this stuff works so amazingly well for our cause! The Internet is an absolute boon to us in so many ways.
Here is an absolutely amazing example; oh how I just love this! Web sites on the Internet can even show their bib… Bah, I can’t even say that word. So there they are reading the latest cruddy translation of that book, doing their [sneer] “devotions”… Guess what we do? Pop up and ad, and 2-3 seconds later, that man is… under our spell! Ah, that prospect just makes me smile inside. More blank stares? Seriously… Well, just remember this part, if you are really challenged mentally. Internet ads can sell our dark leader’s agenda. We should be, we are all over that!
Well, this works for girls too; we are not just targeting men. With TV we have been so very successful getting girls to think that, well men just taking, that is ok, it is expected, it is [huge smile] right, even! If this sounds like re-programming, well, it is! Like I said, we have made vast strides with men, and are making good headway bringing the girls along for the ride. [Cruel laugh] All in all, it is working out very well. About when TV began to run out of steam, the Internet burst on the scene, and with far fewer (ugh, sneer) “parental controls” to boot. We need to embrace that, work with that, continue to blight that any way we can.
Point 2 — (I love this!) You can say anything you want on the Internet.
Yes, morons… You can say AN… NY… THING you want on the Internet, and PEOPLE WILL THINK IT IS TRUE AND RIGHT!
This is SO amazing!
Ok, let’s try this. If you write a book, you need to find a publisher to print it and spread it around. And, if your book includes half-truths, crude content, insulting insinuations, unchecked facts, or blatant lies (believe me, we tried), any reputable publisher will drop that book like a burning rock out of the steamy abyss. And their whole “peer review” process for [another sneer] “scholarly works”… Wow, that whole aspect was just very frustrating to our forces.
NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT ON THE INTERNET! We can publish, rapidly spread our own stuff — people are anxious for all that! There is NOBODY to look it over and say “Hey look, that isn’t true” or a thousand other whiny objections. We just post it on a web site. By virtue of doing that, it has to be true, of course. Well, the people on this planet just seem so gullible for something flashy on their own computer screen… Yes, we are and need to continue using the Internet to erase these artificial labels of “right” and “wrong” [wink] once and for all.
Point 3 — The Internet encourages Aloneness
Bah, I just know this will be hard for this bunch, but try to follow along, please…
We could only do this to a limited extent with TV, and mostly with mothers stuck at home with kids. So here is a good example. If we could give that woman, well make that woman feel like she got enough “man” from our carefully prepared TV programming… Well, she wouldn’t be too concerned about her poor, tired, hard working husband when he got home. Yes, morons, they would not get along very well as a result… Wow….
But this Internet thing, and these amazing Cell Phones that have made the Internet such a PERSONAL experience… Even kids growing up have them now, and… Our goal is to increasingly get people on this miserable planet to get what they think they want, ALL of what they think they need, ALL over their Cell Phones, ALL through the Internet! And, let me tell you, we continue to make amazing progress! Blight a little here, blight a little more… Hardly any cars now have a single “bench seat” they used to be called. We hated those! We don’t want two people snuggling, ever, not any more… People want to ride around, by themselves (or with just acquaintances maybe) in these compact little cars, in a bucket for a seat [another hearty laugh] with a huge console full of, you guessed it, more Internet! We just want them to need their Internet Access devices, not any other person. Like I said, the Internet is helping us so wonderfully with this aspect. I remember watching a husband and wife get out of a car with their two small kids at the mall one lovely afternoon. Within ten seconds, the mom and dad were both talking on their own cell-phones, to other people! That kind of thing, it just gives me goose-bumps. And that was before “apps” on the cell-phone became the huge hits they are. Now, people often use their “smart phones” while driving, which is pretty dumb, but easily in line with our goals. [Another hearty laugh] Yes, minions, laugh! That is so pathetically funny!
I realize that this goal may tend to work against the first point above, where I explained that we want to increasingly drive men to take what they want from women. But it isn’t really. Well, maybe a little… But if a man can get enough skin off of the internet, well, especially if he is married, we may just be able to tuck one more messy divorce under our belts. And… This is absolutely glorious… If men don’t need women, what does that do to this horrible institution they call the family?
YES, NOW you get it… Yes, CHEER my minions! This really IS glorious!
Yes… Ok… Ok, calm down…
I will say it again. The Internet is ours. Embrace the Internet!
c2017 by ACR